His Mom

I already feel like I have somehow already gained the title of "his mom" rather than my own name.... by my own relatives!  A perfectly normal conversation will result in talking about him within just a few texts.  "Put him on Skype" "I want to do this with him next time I see him" etc.  While that's all well in good, it would be nice to be remembered as a person rather than just as a mother.

Poison.

Grr My Mind

Sometimes I feel like I could just hold your hand and cuddle up to you.  Just that; nothing more.  I trust you.  Sadly, you are not my husband. 

You Can Leave Me Alone Now

Okay, hormones, you can leave me alone now.  I'm guessing you are here to signify Aunt Flo's arrival, but can you turn it down just a little bit?  I don't need to be having hormonal charges when someone who is not my husband comes through my mind.  Especially when I know I could easily take what you supposedly need from both my husband and this guy.  And especially when that guy is a friend that I would like to keep in the friend zone.  Darn men always have to complicate things >.<

Poison(ed)

Back To...

I'm going back to the beginning in a way...
Rewriting an old memoir...
Okay, so it's not that old.  It's a few years old, and now I feel it's time to start over

from the beginning.

It was hard to write the first time.  And that was the shortened version.  Can't wait to see what kind of pain God brings to light for healing this time.

Poison.

Secrets are Hard

Keeping a secret is hard; especially when you don't want to fight over something related to it.

HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION:

A guy is on a business trip but gets to come home early.  His wife is planning on visiting him, but he says no.  His reason is because he will be coming home before the expected time and doesn't want her to book a flight.  Her thoughts think he doesn't want her up there, because he is cheating on her.

The secret is a really good secret but can be a cause of fights.  Bleh.

Poison.

Completion

Well, you finally got it done at 1am technically TWO DAYS after the day you told me it would be done.  You said "It will be done by Saturday night.  I promise."  It was done at 1am Monday morning.

I still can't see how it took so long.

Long hard evening?  You played games!  With friends!

Poison.

Dependancy

So my ex decided that I would never have to be dependent of anyone, yet basically made me dependent on him.  Kind of counterproductive.  Being a stay at home mom has taught me much more.

However, I went for a visit to another state and forgot my most important text book for school:  the one that actually has the labs in it.  I realized it early enough to pass on the needed information to my husband so that he could get it done in time rather than have overdue assignments.

Guess what.  They are overdue.  He had all week to work on it (and it's REALLY super EASY.. I mean you just follow directions!), and it's still not done thirty minutes after the due date.  Instead of helping me out, he's been busy doing other stuff with other people for himself.

One time offenses aren't as big of a deal, even if they are upsetting.  But when I was working and relying on him to get to work, I would be constantly late.  There have been times where we've needed to do something within a month or two that would never get done.  Thanks to that last one, my son is no longer on health insurance.

It stacks up.  But I can't say anything to him, because no matter what I do or say, he gets offended.  I try to be honest and open about my feelings (and try to do it in a loving manner) and get shot down.  I thought you were supposed to talk about how you felt in a relationship.

I'm pretty upset that I try so hard to do good in school, and he's "supportive" but when it comes time to rely on him for help, he takes his sweet little time--which is far TOO LONG.

Poison.

Okay...

Okay, I won't be honest anymore.  I just won't say anything and bottle up all my feelings inside.  Maybe that will help things.

Poison.