How dare he? He's late. If he got injured, would anyone tell me? How about if he died? Would I even know?
Obviously, he decided to spend the night. How like him to not bother trying to get hold of me. He'll say he didn't have my number. Of course he doesn't have my number. He doesn't care enough about me to carry my number with him. He just got that new ipod. He can put my number in it, but I bet he didn't. He's so freaking selfish!
Or he's at home already and didn't tell me when he got in. He's either sleeping through the call or ignoring it. He doesn't care that my anxiety is keeping me awake. He doesn't get it.
Oh there's one of the guys he was with. Why isn't he with this guy? Why is this guy bow knocking on my guy's door? Isn't he with you?
Yes, he's home but now he's going to the neighbor's house--that guy he was with earlier till 315am, only 15 minutes later than usual. Probably to drink more. Wouldn't surprise me if they're doing drugs.
I was hoping to compromise and cuddle with him tomorrow while he slept, but I know "maybe" really means "no" in the end. And now he's staying up even later, so that makes it more definitive as a "no.". He doesn't really care about me. He'd be okay with only seeing me once a week unless he wanted sex.
Now I'm hurt and angry and distrustful, and all he did was get drunk with some friends from work which he said he was planning on doing often (every week, I'm sure) and was 15 minutes later than usual. He went downstairs to see the damages the guy's girlfriend did, I'm sure. He was home 10-15 minutes later. But it was too late.
I was shaking mad. Ended up doing some dishes to alleviate some of the shakes. I'm so tired of ending up more upset at myself for reacting like this. I'm tired period. Been up for 2 hours because of him and my irrational thoughts. I treat him a bit on the poor side and he just ignores me.
In reality, we won't last much longer. I just wish he would break up with me and want to stay friends.
