Hubby decided to pre-register for the convention, because it was cheaper. We bought a moneypack thingy for PayPal, but he managed to scratch two of the numbers off (he used a quarter). So $69 later, we finally got him registered. -_- He is hoping that we can either refund the card or use PayPal to pay on electric or something. We had to pay twice, essentially. It sucked. Luckily, there was a guy online late last night that helped him get registered.
One cat is getting along much better with the baby. I really wish I knew where my camera was.
And my mood sucks. I have no idea why. Bleh!
Poison.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Dare 13
I know it seems like I skipped a few. I'm sorry. This really is where I'm at, though.
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
1. We will never mention divorce.
2. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
3. We will never fight in public or in front of our children.
4. We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
5. We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6. We will never go to bed angry with one another.
7. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.
1. I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (James 1:19).
2. I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
3. I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
I copied and pasted them from here.
Totally failed this yesterday :( I told him if he ever gave up on God, that was my deal-breaker. But at least we talked about it. You know, after the fight. Haven't fought like that in a long time, so I guess it's an improvement.
((I'm sorry about the weird formatting of this blog. After copying and pasting the lists, it started acting up.))
P.
PS: I'll edit this when I talk to him.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Slacker
Well, I've been slacking off pretty badly. And my attitude is getting worse :(
It doesn't help that the last few entries have been about asking him what he needs, and he doesn't need anything from me... what he does need is currently off limits.
I managed to get so angry at him today that I was shaking. Fantastic, right?
Why do I get so scared whenever he says something stupid like "God has probably abandoned us" or talking about abandoning Him. At the same time, am I really in the wrong?
I've been hearing God tell me to be patient for so long, and now it's hubby's turn to hear it. I'm still being patient, but he's not doing so well at it. We're not able to do everything he wants to do, and he's frustrated/stressed/whatever about it and freaking out.
All I said was that I wasn't going to the big gaming convention. That's it. I don't like the idea of having to advance for something, so I decided not to go. This saves money on the entry fee as well as gas, since we won't need to travel to drop the kiddo off. I told him he could go, but he was still freaking out about how he needs to be there for his might-someday-become-a-business deal. But I don't need to be there. He "wanted it to be a family thing" even though kiddo wouldn't be there. It's really not my thing. There's one panel I'd like to go to, but I'm not willing to pay money we don't have for it.
Anyway, enough of that.
We hung out the other day while waiting for a friend, and he said something that kind of hit my emotions.
He told me he'd be willing to adopt an infant girl later on in life when we're ready to. Definitely a start in where I was going with my dreams.
Sorry for my slacking.
Now.. what disagreement can I bow out of that won't hurt something else? -_-
P.
It doesn't help that the last few entries have been about asking him what he needs, and he doesn't need anything from me... what he does need is currently off limits.
I managed to get so angry at him today that I was shaking. Fantastic, right?
Why do I get so scared whenever he says something stupid like "God has probably abandoned us" or talking about abandoning Him. At the same time, am I really in the wrong?
I've been hearing God tell me to be patient for so long, and now it's hubby's turn to hear it. I'm still being patient, but he's not doing so well at it. We're not able to do everything he wants to do, and he's frustrated/stressed/whatever about it and freaking out.
All I said was that I wasn't going to the big gaming convention. That's it. I don't like the idea of having to advance for something, so I decided not to go. This saves money on the entry fee as well as gas, since we won't need to travel to drop the kiddo off. I told him he could go, but he was still freaking out about how he needs to be there for his might-someday-become-a-business deal. But I don't need to be there. He "wanted it to be a family thing" even though kiddo wouldn't be there. It's really not my thing. There's one panel I'd like to go to, but I'm not willing to pay money we don't have for it.
Anyway, enough of that.
We hung out the other day while waiting for a friend, and he said something that kind of hit my emotions.
He told me he'd be willing to adopt an infant girl later on in life when we're ready to. Definitely a start in where I was going with my dreams.
Sorry for my slacking.
Now.. what disagreement can I bow out of that won't hurt something else? -_-
P.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Dare 9
GREET YOUR SPOUSE WARMLY AND AFFECTIONATELY.
Well, I said hello and told him I loved him when he got in the door. I also asked him how his day was. He didn't act any differently towards me, so I guess maybe I didn't do it right. But when I asked him how I could greet him better, he told me to do exactly what I did. He said he might not have been paying attention lol. Too focused on greeting the baby ;)
Today, I'm supposed to do something out of the ordinary to show that my love is out of choice. I don't know what to do. I'll figure something out, I guess.
Poison.
Well, I said hello and told him I loved him when he got in the door. I also asked him how his day was. He didn't act any differently towards me, so I guess maybe I didn't do it right. But when I asked him how I could greet him better, he told me to do exactly what I did. He said he might not have been paying attention lol. Too focused on greeting the baby ;)
Today, I'm supposed to do something out of the ordinary to show that my love is out of choice. I don't know what to do. I'll figure something out, I guess.
Poison.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Dare 8
So thanking him for caring about me WAS kind of out of the blue. He was perplexed. I tried explaining to him that it wasn't for anything specific but for everything in the last four years. I *think* he got it lol
I finally sat down and made the lists for Dare #7--
Positive and Negative things about him.
I wrote the positive things down first, so it was actually more difficult to think of negatives. That's how I should train my brain. Any time I think of a negative thing, I'm going to try to think of positive things in its place.
The negative list is shredded up, and the positive list is hidden in plain sight if I have a snooping husband. It's written in the journal I keep next to my side of the bed.
Of course, so is the list of wrongful motivations.
I'm finally all caught up.
Dare 8
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
The title of today's section is called "Love Is Not Jealous"
The thing that hit home the most was not being jealous of his successes. It's no secret that I wish I could go back to school. It's also no secret that I have a specific one in mind. And I can't get there yet. It's not his fault, but he gets to go to school. So I have been swallowing that jealousy for a long time. I've been trying hard to be happy for him rather than to feel negative. Even before this challenge.
He starts school next week.
The most recent achievement I can think of would be that he went to a management training class. It doesn't really mean anything, except that they did tell him he was a great candidate. Again, with this store, it means pretty much nothing except a way to get his hopes up, but it does look good on a resume.
I've already told him how proud I am of him for it.
Maybe I'll tell him how proud I am that he is sticking with it instead of giving up, even though the store he works at is setting itself up for total failure (and I mean to the point of closing it down). Hopefully, they get rid of the current manager they have, but corporate is tying hands as well, so it's just not looking good.
Poor hubby has to put up with that crap along with dealing with rude customers and fellow employees (plus the crappy manager).
I'd say that's an achievement, wouldn't you?
Poison.
I finally sat down and made the lists for Dare #7--
Positive and Negative things about him.
I wrote the positive things down first, so it was actually more difficult to think of negatives. That's how I should train my brain. Any time I think of a negative thing, I'm going to try to think of positive things in its place.
The negative list is shredded up, and the positive list is hidden in plain sight if I have a snooping husband. It's written in the journal I keep next to my side of the bed.
Of course, so is the list of wrongful motivations.
I'm finally all caught up.
Dare 8
Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
The title of today's section is called "Love Is Not Jealous"
The thing that hit home the most was not being jealous of his successes. It's no secret that I wish I could go back to school. It's also no secret that I have a specific one in mind. And I can't get there yet. It's not his fault, but he gets to go to school. So I have been swallowing that jealousy for a long time. I've been trying hard to be happy for him rather than to feel negative. Even before this challenge.
He starts school next week.
The most recent achievement I can think of would be that he went to a management training class. It doesn't really mean anything, except that they did tell him he was a great candidate. Again, with this store, it means pretty much nothing except a way to get his hopes up, but it does look good on a resume.
I've already told him how proud I am of him for it.
Maybe I'll tell him how proud I am that he is sticking with it instead of giving up, even though the store he works at is setting itself up for total failure (and I mean to the point of closing it down). Hopefully, they get rid of the current manager they have, but corporate is tying hands as well, so it's just not looking good.
Poor hubby has to put up with that crap along with dealing with rude customers and fellow employees (plus the crappy manager).
I'd say that's an achievement, wouldn't you?
Poison.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Dare 6 and 7
I'm horrible at actually making lists.
I did NOT make a list of wrong motivations for dare 6; nor did I make a list of places to add margin in my life.
So! Wrong motivations... Uh... Selfishness? Laziness? Does laziness count as a "motivation" when it's pretty much the opposite? That's really all I can think of.
Today's dare was to make two lists; one of traits I don't like about my spouse and the other one that I do like. I'm also supposed to thank him for one of the things that I do like.
I think "caring about me" is the one I'm going to thank him for. Sadly, it won't be completely out of the blue, but I'll thank him anyway.
I already know what tomorrow's dare is. I'm supposed to burn the list of negative things. I can't really burn it, so I'll just rip it to shreds. I don't really want to risk burning the apartment down... lol
P.
I did NOT make a list of wrong motivations for dare 6; nor did I make a list of places to add margin in my life.
So! Wrong motivations... Uh... Selfishness? Laziness? Does laziness count as a "motivation" when it's pretty much the opposite? That's really all I can think of.
Today's dare was to make two lists; one of traits I don't like about my spouse and the other one that I do like. I'm also supposed to thank him for one of the things that I do like.
I think "caring about me" is the one I'm going to thank him for. Sadly, it won't be completely out of the blue, but I'll thank him anyway.
I already know what tomorrow's dare is. I'm supposed to burn the list of negative things. I can't really burn it, so I'll just rip it to shreds. I don't really want to risk burning the apartment down... lol
P.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Dare 5
Yesterday's dare was #5.
ASK YOUR SPOUSE FOR THREE THINGS THAT MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE OR IRRITATED WITH YOU. DO NOT GET DEFENSIVE OR TRY TO JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS.
His responses weren't what I expected at all. In fact, he actually couldn't think of anything right away and had to think about it.
1) He doesn't like the walls I put up around myself.
2) He doesn't like that I seem unhappy with where life turned up.
3) He doesn't like it when I get irritated at him for not going to bed. "But that's just a small thing."
The first two, I completely understood and didn't fight him on them. No problem. The third one, I slipped up and tried to justify it, but shut up before I got too much into it. I understand where he's coming from.
I can't sleep without him, so #3 is going to be very difficult to control.
#1 is impossible by myself. That one is going to take a LOT of prayer.
#2 is a matter of being patient and being completely content with where I am in life. After all, this IS where God put us.
Today's dare is not reacting in irritation to tough circumstances in our marriage, but rather acting in love. I'm supposed to make a list of areas where I "need to add margin" in my schedule and a list of wrong motivations I need to release from my life.
Wrong motivations, I understand, but I have no idea how to add margin in my schedule for things like more sleep and all that. I'm a mother. I get naps when kiddo does. I also have insomnia, so... it's not because of lack of time for sleep that I'm so tired :(
Now, I DO need to eat more. I totally get that.
Poison.
PS: Mood isn't terrible today. Haven't dealt with hubby more than 1.5 hours today so far. lol
ASK YOUR SPOUSE FOR THREE THINGS THAT MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE OR IRRITATED WITH YOU. DO NOT GET DEFENSIVE OR TRY TO JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS.
His responses weren't what I expected at all. In fact, he actually couldn't think of anything right away and had to think about it.
1) He doesn't like the walls I put up around myself.
2) He doesn't like that I seem unhappy with where life turned up.
3) He doesn't like it when I get irritated at him for not going to bed. "But that's just a small thing."
The first two, I completely understood and didn't fight him on them. No problem. The third one, I slipped up and tried to justify it, but shut up before I got too much into it. I understand where he's coming from.
I can't sleep without him, so #3 is going to be very difficult to control.
#1 is impossible by myself. That one is going to take a LOT of prayer.
#2 is a matter of being patient and being completely content with where I am in life. After all, this IS where God put us.
Today's dare is not reacting in irritation to tough circumstances in our marriage, but rather acting in love. I'm supposed to make a list of areas where I "need to add margin" in my schedule and a list of wrong motivations I need to release from my life.
Wrong motivations, I understand, but I have no idea how to add margin in my schedule for things like more sleep and all that. I'm a mother. I get naps when kiddo does. I also have insomnia, so... it's not because of lack of time for sleep that I'm so tired :(
Now, I DO need to eat more. I totally get that.
Poison.
PS: Mood isn't terrible today. Haven't dealt with hubby more than 1.5 hours today so far. lol
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Dare 4
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
Well, he called me. He was at work and he called me yesterday to ask me to stir the chile every couple of hours. Now, how am I supposed to ask him what he wants me to do for him if he calls me to tell me? lol
I told him last night that I had planned to call him during work for no reason. He thought it was really sweet of me.
Oh yeah. I didn't call him because I took a nap and overslept ... oops.
Today's dare is...
I haven't done it. I have to ask him what three things he doesn't like about me basically. :(
Right now, he is at a meeting for work. I've had all day with him and haven't really said anything nice.
I'm so bad at this.
Poison.
Well, he called me. He was at work and he called me yesterday to ask me to stir the chile every couple of hours. Now, how am I supposed to ask him what he wants me to do for him if he calls me to tell me? lol
I told him last night that I had planned to call him during work for no reason. He thought it was really sweet of me.
Oh yeah. I didn't call him because I took a nap and overslept ... oops.
Today's dare is...
I haven't done it. I have to ask him what three things he doesn't like about me basically. :(
Right now, he is at a meeting for work. I've had all day with him and haven't really said anything nice.
I'm so bad at this.
Poison.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Dare 3 Conclusion
So I decided to wear a thong and a matching bra and even dressed up a little and did my makeup. We were going out for shopping, and I don't normally dress up or wear makeup for it, so it was something different. And the thong was going WAY out of my comfort zone haha.
I guess he said I looked pretty when he came in, but I didn't hear him. I kind of felt like I did it for nothing and that he didn't even notice (he told me in bed that he said I looked pretty).
It's hard to do stuff like that, because he likes to stay up late, and I never know when he's going to go to bed. I didn't want my efforts to be wasted, so I ended up staying up till midnight waiting for him to go to bed. Oh well. He said he appreciated it...
Today, I'm supposed to call him at work for no reason other than to see how he's doing and if I can do anything for him (I'll post the dare when I do it). I don't think the author of this thing understands that personal calls are often looked down upon at work. Oh well. I don't think he's gotten in TOO much trouble for talking to me. I'll call him around 5 or so to see if he needs me to do anything. At least then, maybe he'll tell me to do something for dinner haha.
P.
PS: Yesterday was DEFINITELY Monday. Today feels even worse :/
Don't think I'm doing so well in the non-negative department :(
I guess he said I looked pretty when he came in, but I didn't hear him. I kind of felt like I did it for nothing and that he didn't even notice (he told me in bed that he said I looked pretty).
It's hard to do stuff like that, because he likes to stay up late, and I never know when he's going to go to bed. I didn't want my efforts to be wasted, so I ended up staying up till midnight waiting for him to go to bed. Oh well. He said he appreciated it...
Today, I'm supposed to call him at work for no reason other than to see how he's doing and if I can do anything for him (I'll post the dare when I do it). I don't think the author of this thing understands that personal calls are often looked down upon at work. Oh well. I don't think he's gotten in TOO much trouble for talking to me. I'll call him around 5 or so to see if he needs me to do anything. At least then, maybe he'll tell me to do something for dinner haha.
P.
PS: Yesterday was DEFINITELY Monday. Today feels even worse :/
Don't think I'm doing so well in the non-negative department :(
Monday, September 17, 2012
Dare 3
BUY YOUR SPOUSE SOMETHING THAT SAYS "I WAS THINKING OF YOU TODAY."
Makes me wish I had money. I've been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what I could to to replace this. What can I do to say "I was thinking of you today"?
I was lazy today and I should not have been. I was going to clean the whole apartment; like a really good clean. But I didn't. It was the only thing I could think of to do.
Sure, I've got my excuses as to why I didn't do it, but I don't think they are very good.
Guess I'll just have to postpone this one until I can buy him something.
...or maybe I'll get dressed before he gets home and wear a thong. He'd like that. And it would show that I trust him. I hate wearing it and he knows that, so it'd definitely be something that says "I was thinking of you" haha
Poison.
Makes me wish I had money. I've been racking my brain all day trying to figure out what I could to to replace this. What can I do to say "I was thinking of you today"?
I was lazy today and I should not have been. I was going to clean the whole apartment; like a really good clean. But I didn't. It was the only thing I could think of to do.
Sure, I've got my excuses as to why I didn't do it, but I don't think they are very good.
Guess I'll just have to postpone this one until I can buy him something.
...or maybe I'll get dressed before he gets home and wear a thong. He'd like that. And it would show that I trust him. I hate wearing it and he knows that, so it'd definitely be something that says "I was thinking of you" haha
Poison.
Dare #2
Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday. Hubby was home all day, and since this thing is a secret, I couldn't post.
I don't think I did AS well at not saying anything negative, but it wasn't bad. On a scale of 1-10, I was probably around a 5-7, which is better than the 1-4 I usually am. The first day, I'd give myself a 9, to be honest.
I wasn't in as good of a mood either, but I wasn't in a bad mood. I guess yesterday was kind of a mediocre day.
Dare #2
DO SOMETHING NICE & UNEXPECTED
Well, the original plan was to give him a back rub, but he didn't go to bed at the same time as me and I didn't know when he would be in bed, so I decided to sleep nude instead. I don't normally do that because of the window and the cold (and a bunch more excuses). I know it's something he likes, so I did it.
Dare #3 is today's dare.
BUY SOMETHING NICE FOR YOUR SPOUSE
I've got nothing. I mean, we don't have any money. So I'm trying to think of something that I can do for him in place of it that still means the same thing. I've only looked at the dare rather than the "devotional" (for lack of a better word) before it, so we'll see what happens.
And so far, I haven't said anything negative. That I know of. It depends on how he took my gentle nagging this morning trying to get him out the door. I wasn't being mean or anything; just kept reminding him that it was time to go and he really needed to get going.
P.
I don't think I did AS well at not saying anything negative, but it wasn't bad. On a scale of 1-10, I was probably around a 5-7, which is better than the 1-4 I usually am. The first day, I'd give myself a 9, to be honest.
I wasn't in as good of a mood either, but I wasn't in a bad mood. I guess yesterday was kind of a mediocre day.
Dare #2
DO SOMETHING NICE & UNEXPECTED
Well, the original plan was to give him a back rub, but he didn't go to bed at the same time as me and I didn't know when he would be in bed, so I decided to sleep nude instead. I don't normally do that because of the window and the cold (and a bunch more excuses). I know it's something he likes, so I did it.
Dare #3 is today's dare.
BUY SOMETHING NICE FOR YOUR SPOUSE
I've got nothing. I mean, we don't have any money. So I'm trying to think of something that I can do for him in place of it that still means the same thing. I've only looked at the dare rather than the "devotional" (for lack of a better word) before it, so we'll see what happens.
And so far, I haven't said anything negative. That I know of. It depends on how he took my gentle nagging this morning trying to get him out the door. I wasn't being mean or anything; just kept reminding him that it was time to go and he really needed to get going.
P.
Saturday, September 15, 2012
A Gift
I posted on a social network a certain issue that I had... I'm not really happy *surprise!*
Well, she mailed me The Love Dare. I got it today.
My plan is to keep posting about my journey. In a way, it keeps me accountable to doing the book.
So! Today... Day #1
DON'T SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE TOWARD YOUR SPOUSE.
Now, I've been turning into somewhat of a nag... OK, I'm horrible at it and it's been that way for a while.
This morning, before I got the book, I had to get up early. Well, I'm not a morning person. I remember being cranky and asking him why he put honey in the oatmeal and why he made it so runny.
After I got the book, I haven't said anything negative TO him, though I did have a moment of forgetting about the dare and mumbled something about me being annoyed at hubby... I mumbled it to my son, who could probably care less. It was something as simple as asking hubby to do something while I was doing something else. He played on facebook instead of doing as I asked. *sigh*
BUT... I did not yell at him :) And I told him I wasn't going to.
And when I mentioned a pet peeve of mine towards him and my roommate, I did it as nicely as I could. I simply mentioned that it was becoming annoying and that I would really appreciate it if they would ______ :)
I did good today. We'll see what happens tomorrow. Hopefully I can get a look at the dare without him knowing. He has no idea that I have the book, and I'm really hoping to keep it that way.
P.
PS: I feel good today.
Well, she mailed me The Love Dare. I got it today.
My plan is to keep posting about my journey. In a way, it keeps me accountable to doing the book.
So! Today... Day #1
DON'T SAY ANYTHING NEGATIVE TOWARD YOUR SPOUSE.
Now, I've been turning into somewhat of a nag... OK, I'm horrible at it and it's been that way for a while.
This morning, before I got the book, I had to get up early. Well, I'm not a morning person. I remember being cranky and asking him why he put honey in the oatmeal and why he made it so runny.
After I got the book, I haven't said anything negative TO him, though I did have a moment of forgetting about the dare and mumbled something about me being annoyed at hubby... I mumbled it to my son, who could probably care less. It was something as simple as asking hubby to do something while I was doing something else. He played on facebook instead of doing as I asked. *sigh*
BUT... I did not yell at him :) And I told him I wasn't going to.
And when I mentioned a pet peeve of mine towards him and my roommate, I did it as nicely as I could. I simply mentioned that it was becoming annoying and that I would really appreciate it if they would ______ :)
I did good today. We'll see what happens tomorrow. Hopefully I can get a look at the dare without him knowing. He has no idea that I have the book, and I'm really hoping to keep it that way.
P.
PS: I feel good today.
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