Home. Out of Stress into Stress.

First off, let me apologize for any future typos I may miss during this blog.  I don't have my mousepad shut off and I keep accidentally hitting it.  I also have my son bugging me and trying to hit my computer lol.

"I want you to be 100% mine in everything."  He went on with a list of things including "emotionally".  I didn't realize how much I wished he would allow me to give him 100% of myself emotionally until about a week or so before I came home.  I was really depressed and <i>really</i> wanted to talk to him about it.  I brought it up... and he basically ignored me.  He went on about ideas for school and what he can do after that... I've heard a million different ideas for his future a million different times.  He went on and on and on and on about it, and... I shut down.  I said my "yeah"s in all the right places but I didn't care.  Instead, I just messaged my friend about it during the conversation.  My husband knew I was depressed and didn't care.

I've been gone for way too long.  Before I left, we were able to have normal conversations.  Now?  Good luck talking about something other than gaming.  All day long, he can go on and on about cards he needs or games he wants to play.  I.  Don't.  Care.  Sure, I play once in a while.  But that's not what I want to talk about All.  Day.  Long.  No thanks.  I'll just go talk to my other friends.  Oh yeah... that is if their online. 

I just lost someone dear to me and I haven't even been able to grieve.  I'm a parent.  My life revolves around my husband and my son.  I've been busy taking care of my son and listening to stupid stuff from my husband who doesn't seem to care at all about anything other than gaming now that I'm home.  I haven't been able to lean into my husband and cry.  I tried to tell him how I feel and got... nothing.  I mean, I think I got the "I'm sorry you feel that way" sympathy for like maybe a full 5 minutes.  But that's it.  Yay for me.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll snap at him soon enough; especially if all he talks about is gaming when he gets home.

Po1s0n.