"Friend"

I have finally removed you from my friends list.  I hate seeing your name when you update your statuses.  I hate seeing you comment on my husband's posts.  And I hate when you do all of this but ignore me.

I thought we were friends.

Why should I be upset?  You and him were friends long before you and I started talking.  You even shared something deeper with him before letting him go because he had a broken family.  Yet when we talked, it was as if you just wanted to get closer to him.  You visited ONCE while he and I were dating but NEVER when we were married.  You dropped off the face of the Earth blocking both of us out of your lives and then came back like all was fine.  Except it wasn't.  You began talking to him but would only ask how I was... and then not wait long enough for the answer.  I replied back to your posts and comments.  You never even hit "like".

I thought we were friends.

I'm finding out more and more that I was wrong.  You called me "friend" but you never meant it.  You broke my heart but never cared.  I watched you tear yourself apart going from guy to guy to guy without even a day in between.  I knew you were just setting yourself up to be hurt but never said a word for fear of making you upset.  During that time, you never said two words to me.  And that's fine.

You don't think of my husband as more than one.  You think of him as just him.  You tell him you miss HIM not US.  You tell him you wish you could hang with HIM not US.  I get it.

I will not be upset if you talk to him.  I'm done.

Po1s0n

God's Word [to me] Spoken By Someone Else

http://godthoughtsforlife.blogspot.com/2012/02/self-doubt.html

This link up there that I just pasted is written from someone whose blog I am following.  It's also EXACTLY how I feel.  ALL the time.  Not just every once in a while.  Always.

Why are we struggling so hard to get by?  Those people over there and those over there and those over there (you get the message)... THEY'RE all fine!  THEY are happy!  THEY'RE not struggling!  (granted, we all look happy on the outside, don't we?)

When my husband says all of this, I always tell him, "Yeah, well those people are also in mountains of debt from credit cards."  Though not all of them are, it makes ME feel better.

We are trying so hard to live right and be faithful and all that wonderful spiritual blah blah blah.  Yet when I go to bed at night, I wonder ... "Wouldn't it just be easier to give up on God?  Wouldn't it just be easier to deny Him?"

The answer, of course, is no.  I can't deny Someone who has been there through literally EVERYTHING I have.  I can't deny Him anymore than I could deny my own existence.  I know He is real and there... It's just hard being a follower.

So my friend who wrote that blog... I know exactly how she feels.  Thank you for writing that blog.  Love you, sis.

Po1s0n.

I Was Born This Way

Don't hate me for taking your guy
I can't help that I'm a slut
I was born this way!

I can't help that God
made me attracted to little children
Don't hate me
I was born this way!

I was born to enjoy
someone else's pain
I was born to enjoy
blood as I'm killing

I was born to put on female clothes
and be a drag queen
Don't hate me
God made me this way!

I have no love for the opposite sex
So I must be gay
Don't hate me
I was born this way!

~Po1s0n

LOL I Must Be Emotionally Disturbed

Going through my mind when I have ideas for things to write about... Hmm... Let's just say if I told a shrink all my ideas for writing, they would probably ask if I've ever been molested.

Why?

Well, I had this story back in '08 about a gal in a sex mansion.  It wasn't my only one but it was the one that had the most written in it.  Obviously, it's  not finished (like all of my stories lol)

Now, I have an idea about a girl molested at a young age and grew to believe that men were supposed to be that way--total jerks who only wanted sex.  I haven't written anything down.  Mainly because I want to know what goes through kids' minds when they all decide to bully the same kid who is not majorly different in any way.  If people would answer the question about why they constantly bullied me, I'd have my answer... -_-

Oy, I have a Po1s0ned mind...