I have craved cigarettes since I was a small child. I found that white filter stuff on the ground, picked it up and sniffed it (why, I have no idea). Ever since then, it was more than just curiosity.
My chance came a few years later when I was a teenager. My ex was smoking behind the school and offered me one. I shrugged figuring "why not? my life is in ruins anyway." I smoked very few cigs, but the craving never left. Back then, I actually realized cigarettes had flavor. I quit and picked it up again a few months later. When I picked it up again, it tasted like it smells. Horrible.
So I quit again. I became even more sensitive to the smoke and now consider myself allergic. My eyes burn and it gets hard to breathe when I'm around too much of it.
One of these days, I am going to bum one off of a friend, smoke it, and remind myself of why I don't do it anymore. It's a pointless habit, but these cravings have been at me for longer than I'd care to admit. If I don't satisfy it, it won't leave me alone.
On the flip side, what if I figure out that they don't taste as bad as that last one did... Then, it will be even harder to kick.
Oh God, that you give me the strength to make it through this.
Poison.
Oh by the way... I got a blind date going for my friend that does The Blind Date Project ;)
No comments:
Post a Comment